From America’s mayor to the face of Trump’s impeachment to the sniffling, melty lawyer leading the charge to dismantle democracy, Rudy Giuliani’s fall from grace — or at least from the decent, respected circles of society — might just have transformed what it means to be a Golden Duke.
Or maybe the lava lamps and the bribery and the slime of “Duke” Cunningham will continue to outshine Giuliani, from beginning ’til end (or until next year, of course).
In the championship of our 2020 Duke of Dukes competition, Rudy is facing down the eponymous Duke himself. It’s up to you, dear readers.
But first, it’s worth a look back at how we got here. We started with 18 candidates. Now it’s down to just the two.
Last week you made clear — with some special pleading from us — that while Dinesh D’Souza’s years of dog whistling, campaign finance violations and rhetorical attacks on teenagers who survived a school shooting made the political commentator a fan favorite, the cartoonish exploits that first earned Cunningham the Golden Duke eponym were enduring and epic enough to at last kick Dinesh out of the running entirely.
Giuliani, meanwhile, triumphed over Dick Cheney, whose shotgun-to-the-face moment was enough to earn him his rightful place in any Golden Duke contest. We chose to focus specifically on the hunting “accident” because shooting your friend in the face and forcing your friend to apologize for getting shot in the face is truly special. There were plenty of war crimes in the Bush administration, but only Cheney carried one out with his own hands.
You, the people, spoke and in the last round Rudy’s ongoing, unhinged, present-day antics won him the match.
Now, we arrive at the championship. While Duke’s corruption was luxurious and brazen (see: “bribe menu”), Rudy’s descent from valorized hero to an authoritarian’s raving sidekick has been a plot arc lasting decades. He’s now made himself a pillar of the Trump presidency, gifting us the opportunity to debate which Rudy-crafted scandal was the worst of the last four years. Was it the crusade to force a foreign government to dig up fake dirt on the son of Trump’s presidential rival? His astoundingly poor court record? The Four Seasons Landscaping press conference? The melting sideburns?
Clearly, you know this writer’s bias on who should win out in the end. Vote and let us know yours.
I voted for Duke Cunningham. He was a genuine American hero. In fact he was one of my personal heroes. He went toe to toe with the Vietnamese Migs in an aircraft that was more fighter bomber than fighter and became an American ace. He was the sort of Naval Aviator Tom Cruise made movies about.
Then he ran for Congress and sold out cheap. An indifferent backbencher in Congress, selling out became his way of life. He kept selling out year after year until his corruption was complete. Congressmember for sale. Everybody knew it and he didn’t really hide it. I was sad and happy when they finally put him away.
If you are going to be a hero who sells out be like Anakin Skywalker and at least make some pretention of higher purpose. Selling out for a little cash and a boat just means you are pathetic.
Rudy Can’t Fail! Drunk, butt dialing, and full of Covid is no way to go through life.
Joe and the Mescaleros version…
My choice was Rudy. Why? well, this contest is named for “The Duke” and he will retain the fame (or infamy) that goes with it year after year. But Rudy excelled over the last year or three and should have his time of fame. Who else could melt on camera or hold a news conference at a landscaping /porn bookstore? Or more importantly slavishly promote by far the worst POTUS in our history. And last, I do believe he broke the law by attempting, as a non government employee and without specific authorization, to negotiate on behalf of trump with the government of Ukraine. The object being dirt on a potential political adversary. I believe there are laws covering this sort of behavior. So Rudy has rightly earned his place of dishonor this year.
I chose the OG Randy because Rudy is such a disgraceful clown that even a golden Duke is too much honor for him. I like to think of Rudy getting his hopes up by making it to the final round, only to have them smashed to ashes in the end, not unlike what happened during his pathetic Presidential campaign. In the end, it is right and just that Randy keeps the ultimate (dis) honor forevermore.
I voted for Giuliani this round.
Yes, they’re both disgraceful, greedy, buffoonish clowns. Men who once had their “day in the sun”, set fire to it, crapped on it, threw it in a toxic waste dump, and then set fire to the dump.
And then said “Dump? What dump? I don’t see no dump!”
The thing is, Giuliani went and did something Cunningham never thought of (at least, there’s no evidence Cunningham ever conceived of it) - he tried to destroy Democracy.
For that, Giuliani deserves a special place in Hell.
But just remember the Cardinal rule of Republican Grifters:
“They keep getting worse”