Jon Stewart on Monday rushed for cover from theories surrounding the Jade Helm 15 military excersies in Texas, after conspiracy theorists, and even the state’s governor, worried the government was planning a “Texas Takeover.”
“You know who’s calling it ‘Texas Takeover?'” the host of “The Daily Show” asked. “Lonestar Lunatics. Dallas Dipshits.”
“The United States government already controls Texas, since like the 1840s, and then left and then came back — just borrow a textbook from a neighboring state, it’s all in there,” he added.
Stewart called it “adorable” that Texas Gov. Greg Abbott (R) thought the State Guard could take on the U.S. military.
“It’s like a little dog growling at a big dog, or an eight-year-old picking a fight with the Predator,” he said.
Watch the clip, courtesy of Comedy Central:
George W. Bush, Rick Perry, and this dumbass.
It’s like Texas breeds their governors in a lab and selects for stupidity.
Well, you can be proud, red state Republicans. The ignorant, paranoid, credulous, pants-peeingly fearful loonies are such a large part of your base now that it takes an Atticus-Finch-level degree of moral courage and political sacrifice to tell them SHUT UP YOU ARE IDIOTS. Volvo-driving soccer moms in Connecticut are shaking their heads and saying “Wow, those people are silly and wimpish.” You’re not really projecting the image of the stalwart Texans of song and story any more; your public image is more down toward the pathetic end of the continuum. Very, very proud you must be.
The beautiful thing about this piece is that it leads with the obnoxious Anti-Islam event that says US military might over Islamic states is a good and important thing …then ends with the crazy Jade Helm conspiracy that says the US military might is a bad and scary thing…Texas, the land of cognitive dissonance.
I’ll say this for Jon Stewart, the man is a master at stringing along and piecing together parts that lead to the greater message of a story. He did a great job here.
Texans should be hanging their heads in shame here. The saner ones–and there are many–should shout down those loons.
It’s equally possible that the reason Dictator Obomber is plotting a military takeover of Texas is that he’s trading it to Cuba for a box of cigars as part of the new Commie Coalition he’s forming with the Castro Brothers (the Cubans not the Texans).