Jon Stewart was probably itching all weekend to come back to work and dive into New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie’s widely-criticized, self-exonerating report on the Bridgegate scandal.
The “Daily Show” host wasted no time on Monday: “I wonder what the results will be of the investigation that Chris Christie himself commissioned,” he sighed. “Perhaps I’ll read about it in this scandal’s paper of record, The Christie Sun Times Picayune.”
Stewart rolled tape of Megyn Kelly’s interview with the governor, in which the Fox News anchor asked, “Do you feel exonerated?” Putting on his best Tony Soprano, Stewart played Christie: “Hey, I better, it cost me a million f*cking dollars. And by me, I mean you, if you are a New Jersey taxpayer.”
He also took a shot at the sections of the report charged with sexism, particularly the portrayal of Christie’s ex-aide Bridget Kelly as an unstable, needy woman spurned by a romance with a former colleague.
“That also explains very clearly why the official report was titled, ‘Bitches be crazy right?'” Stewart deadpanned.
Lastly, Stewart couldn’t help but nod to the controversy surrounding his longtime colleague Stephen Colbert — spying the hashtag #CancelStewart on the cover of the mock Christie report.
“Damn you Internet!” Stewart hollared, shaking his fist.
Watch the clip below, courtesy of Comedy Central: