The United States of America? “Over.” Christianity? “Gone.” Trump? A Democratic “sleeper cell.” English? We may not be allowed to speak it under the regime of “Woke 2.”
The Republican Party’s generational defeat in the midterms Tuesday inspired some all-time, classic crashouts among MAGA influencers and GOP operatives on X. There was infighting, finger-pointing, and, as the night wore on, tears.
With no further ado, here’s TPM’s top 10 MAGA midterm crashouts.
1. Laura Loomer
The MAGA influencer and close Trump confidante, who has called herself a “proud Islamophobe” and “pro-white nationalism,” and who once chained herself to X’s headquarters (when it was still called Twitter), was really posting through it Tuesday night. “America is over,” she declared repeatedly on X. Now Americans will be forced, she argued, to learn the language of our new woke, “Islamic communist” overlords.
Inshallah, Laura. Inshallah.
2. Mike Cernovich
This longtime far-right social media figure reflected on the spiritual side of the results. Cernovich, who once called date rape a “liberal fiction,” recalled an experience he had with ayahuasca as the returns came in late on Tuesday night. Though many on the right regard the drug as “demonic,” Cernovich wrote, he learned something big: “you can’t run from yourself.” Is the analogy here to the GOP? The Republicans can’t escape themselves?
3. Alex Jones
Jones doesn’t own InfoWars anymore — The Onion does — so on Tuesday night when the “the-chemicals-are-turning-the-frickin’-frogs-gay” conspiracy theorist wanted to vent, he jumped onto his new livestreaming channel, “ALEX JONES LIVE,” to deliver an “ELECTION NIGHT SHOCKER.” He had a “STUNNING ACCUSATION” to make about the president.
“I’m gonna say it right now: I think he’s a Democrat,” Jones said. “I have tried to salvage Trump. I haven’t been sure. I’ve invested so much. Maybe I was blind to it. I think Trump is the ultimate Democrat sleeper cell and he works for them — he was a Democrat before — and I’m gonna say it right now: I’m 100 percent at war with Trump, I’ve already been pissed at him. He’s not that retarded. He did this on purpose. That’s what I believe.”
Jones’ anger quickly turned into a begrudging respect.
“He turns the knife with salt in the wound,” he said of the president. “If he wasn’t competent, he wouldn’t be that good! He is a Democrat. I’ll admit it: I was wrong. What about a long game though?! 10 years of this just to fuck as at the end?!”
4. Michelle Smith
To this Ken Paxton adviser, Tuesday’s results aren’t only an electoral disaster: they spell the end of Christianity itself. Almost as bad (or worse, depending on your reading of the theology): Democratic rule in Texas could usher in a state income tax.
“We’re gonna have a state income tax. Our churches, Christianity — it’s all gone. And let’s not even talk about public education,” Smith wrote. “What did we just do?”
5. Joey Mannarino
For the MAGA influencer with 780,000 followers on X, Republicans suffered a “blue monsoon” on Tuesday because the party wasn’t Islamophobic enough. “GOP could’ve had a message: DEFEAT ISLAM IN AMERICA,” he wrote. “Instead they didn’t run on anything. We were left yelling about how awful the other side was… and now we’re going to find out how truly awful they are.”
“Are you liberal women getting your burqas fitted?” he asked during an hourslong crashout on the platform. “Demographics are destiny and clearly we’re destined for a mess. They’re going to be ruthless…. This is going to be two years of pure hell. If you want Sharia law, just say it….What’s the point of pretending it’s about democracy when you’re voting for a party that wants us replaced?… No, I’m not racist for opposing the Islamization of America. I’m sane.”
Finally, Mannarino wrote this:
Alhamdulillah, Joey. Alhamdulillah.
6. Mark Levin
Levin, a conservative talk radio figure who supported the Iran War, took potshots at conservative media figures and politicians, saying Matt Gaetz would be the “valedictorian” of the “Epstein class,” calling Piers Morgan a “washed-up scumbag,” and telling outgoing Rep. Nancy Mace (R-SC) to “STFU.”
In a longer post (issued after calling Tucker Carlson a “loathsome creature”), he laid out his theory of the case: the “Woke Reich” is here; we’re just living in it. The task now is to avoid what sounds like a horrible fate: “We will not be dragged into some ideologically driven agenda based on fringe operators, Jerry Springer-like performers, and shock-jock loudmouths.” Way too late, Mark.
7. Jack Posobiec
Posobiec, of “Pizzagate” conspiracy theory fame, is one of Trump’s most sycophantic, bootlicking propagandists. “The Socialist Revolution is now here,” he wrote on Tuesday as MAGA’s utter defeat came into focus. He offered a solemn prediction for his 3.2 million followers on X, too:
We’re not exactly sure what it means but hey, from your X account to God’s ear, Jack.
8. Asmongold
Like so many in the political streaming business, Zack Hoyt started his career making videos about gaming. In his case, they were mostly to do with World of Warcraft, but times changed: Hoyt, who goes by Asmongold, became increasingly vocal about his support for MAGA politicians, even asking Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) at one point whether Congress could regulate loot boxes in video games.
Alas, Asmongold believes it may now be game over.
“I’m so mad. I’m so fucking mad. I think Trump didn’t do 50 things he should have done,” he fumed on a livestream Tuesday evening. “I think he wasted his time selling trinkets and bullshit.”
Eventually, his voice cracked: “There’s no patriots anymore.”
“Some people are saying, I might be the last patriot,” he concluded.
9. Shaun Maguire
And why not a word from the Sequoia venture capitalist-turned-Trump II advisor? An associate of Elon Musk’s, Maguire has become known for making statements that are wildly inflammatory and wildly inaccurate in recent years.
Maguire oddly framed the election results around Charlie Kirk’s killing last year. He came close to suggesting that Kirk’s death meant that people should not have voted for the Democratic Party. It’s not clear why that would be the case, though the Trump administration has tried to pin his murder on a broad, left-wing conspiracy that presumably includes the Democrats.
“Says a lot,” Maguire lamented. Like what?
10. “End Wokeness”
At around 10:30 p.m. on Tuesday, as the Blue Tsunami began to crest over America, this massively influential account on X (4 million followers) issued an urgent warning:
Who runs End Wokeness? It might be among Woke 2’s first orders of business to find out. (There’s speculation that it actually belongs to number 7 on this list — Jack Posobiec.)
Donnie is pure CLASS without the CL.
I, for one, would like to offer some consolation* to all the MAGAts currently in the midst of their latest existential crisis. I hope this will perhaps offer some long-lasting comfort, enshallah.
*Unlimited offer while supplies last.
I have already seen people, friends, from the left complain that the Democrats haven’t gotten anything done yet.
It was jaw dropping, but the onion anticipated it enough to post this 30 seconds after the AP called for Abdul:
Pour one out for that Last Patriot guy…