George Santos On Brink Of Demotion Back To Baruch Volleyball Team

As the sun broke over the House office buildings Thursday, it enveloped George Santos — and the roughly 50 reporters and photographers, shivering in the 30-degree morning — in a heavenly glow. 

Santos, who has been in office for 11 months, is on the brink of being booted from Congress for his innumerable alleged crimes, financial misdeeds and general Mr. Ripley cosplay. 

With bags under his eyes and his typical sweater/tie combo, Santos railed against the conspiracy carried out against him (apparently by the vengeful House Ethics Committee), teased great things to come (“I’m gonna do whatever I want”) and alternated between anger (“you guys like digging up stuff on me, why don’t you go dig up on other members?”) and odd obsequiousness towards the media (crediting the New York Times reporter who’d broken the first big story of his many fabrications).

He touted his record — seeming to hold most pride about nominating constituents to the service academies, a fairly bare minimum congressional duty — and maintained that his district had been well served despite the cloud of scandal that has drifted along with him since his election. 

His prepared remarks were Trumpian in their tangents and randomness. He pledged to kickstart his own expulsion proceedings against Rep. Jamaal Bowman (D-NY), who pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor charge for pulling a Capitol fire alarm in October. 

“Today at noon, I’m going to be introducing a privileged motion for expulsion of convicted and — uh — guilty pleaded — uh — Congressman Jamaal Bowman,” he said, fumbling what was clearly intended to be the newsy climax of the speech. 

“I put a timeline out, none of you actually picked it up,” he bleated later, insisting that there was a damning delay between Bowman pulling the alarm and the vote — which actually would disprove the conspiracy theory that Bowman pulled the alarm to delay the vote and give Democrats time to coalesce behind a position. 

A less-than-confident public speaker, Santos struggled to find a tone and stick with it throughout the 16-minute availability. He opened the speech defiantly, declaring his pride in soon becoming one of the six total members of Congress to be expelled — and the only one who was not convicted of a crime or who fought for the confederacy. 

But he dropped that before long, instead performing a baffling Marjorie Taylor Greene impression as he intoned about Department of Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas’ supposed culpability for a pro-Palestinian protest at the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree lighting Wednesday night. 

The MAGA suit fit him uncomfortably, as he also made a stab at defending the imprisoned Jan. 6 rioters. Trucks started idling by the House triangle as he spoke, muffling his voice and prompting some passersby hanging over the fencing to yell “talk louder!” 

The assembled crowd of media, crackling with energy at his arrival, soon fell into a sort of chilly stupor as he declined to name which allegations against him were false.

“I am not unpacking the report; it is counterproductive for me to do so at this time,” he said, insisting that he would go “line by line” at some amorphous future date. 

He sprayed broad allegations against his colleagues, but refused to name any names. 

The most consistent theme in his speech was his affection for House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) — who has expressed reservations but is expected to tee up the vote to end Santos’ career on Friday — who Santos called a “gentleman” who “does a great job at everything he does.” 

Promising more scintillating media availability to come, Santos ended the press conference, bundling into a waiting call with his staffers. 

“How much money did you spend on porn?” a woman, standing on the sidewalk behind the barricades and filming him shouted. “You look better in drag anyway!”