Jon Stewart And Stephen Colbert Announce Rival Rallies In D.C. (VIDEOS)

Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert used their shows last night to announce dueling rallies in Washington, D.C. Though both will take place on October 30 on the National Mall at the same time, each touted a slightly different theme. Stewart called his a “Rally to Restore Sanity,” while Colbert was all about his “March to Keep Fear Alive.”

“Are you scared?” Colbert asked at one point.

“Reasonably concerned,” Jon replied.

Stewart described his rally as a “million moderate march” aimed at showing that “we are here. We’re only here though until six because we have a sitter.”

He continued:

You may be asking yourself right now, sitting at home: “But am I the right type of person to go to this rally?” The fact that you would even stop to ask yourself that question, as opposed to just, let’s say, jumping up, grabbing the nearest stack of burnable holy books, strapping on a diaper and just pointing your car toward DC — that means I think you just might be right for it.

Stewart also said he would provide ralliers with signs (just in case they didn’t have time to make any), with such slogans as “I disagree with you, but I’m pretty sure you’re not Hitler,” “9/11 was an outside job,” and “I’m not afraid of Muslims/tea partiers/socialists/immigrants/gun owners/gays — but I am scared of spiders.”

The Rally To Restore Sanity site goes further:

We’re looking for the people who think shouting is annoying, counterproductive, and terrible for your throat; who feel that the loudest voices shouldn’t be the only ones that get heard; and who believe that the only time it’s appropriate to draw a Hitler mustache on someone is when that person is actually Hitler. Or Charlie Chaplin in certain roles.

Colbert was outraged by the theme of Stewart’s rally, because, he said, “need I point out that reason is just one letter away from treason?”

So, he continued, “to fight Jon Stewart’s creeping reasonableness, to restore truthiness, I am announcing my rally,” called the “March To Keep Fear Alive.”

“Now is the time for all good men to freak out for freedom,” Colbert said.

The “Keep Fear Alive” site describes the “dark, optimistic forces trying to take away our Fear — forces with salt and pepper hair and way more Emmys than they need.”

It continues:

Pack an overnight bag with five extra sets of underwear — you’re going to need them. Because, to Restore Truthiness we must always… Shh!!! What’s that sound?! I think there’s someone behind you! Run!

Here’s Stewart’s announcement:

And here’s Colbert’s: