Colbert: Jesus Opposed Gay Marriage So Much He Was Speechless About It

Stephen Colbert on Thursday was still “reeling” from President Obama’s announcement this week that “he is gay.”“I have to assume that’s the reason he supports gay marriage,” Colbert said. But Colbert is a marriage “originalist” — he believes it’s a relationship between one man and that man’s rib. Colbert wanted to read viewers Jesus’ words on homosexuality, but he never said anything about it.

“Evidently Jesus was so filled with rage that he was speechless,” Colbert said. “I am confident he condemned it all the time in private, when he was hanging out with those other 12 dudes at their elaborate dinner parties, where they all sat on the same side of the table, just living the bachelor life together, drinking wine and working on their washboard abs.”

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