HarrisWatch: The Divine Secrets of One Seriously Ya-Ya SisterOh, Katie. We’re going to miss you.
Our “Pink Sugar” stormed through the Washington Post Style section this morning, throwing crazy comments every which way like so many uprooted palm trees in a hurricane, insisting she will beat Sen. Bill Nelson (D-FL) in next Tuesday’s election, despite trailing by a jillion points in every poll ever taken.
But how crazy is she? We sense a subtext to her madness.
Harris is a “wannabe” Jew, did you know that? Israelis mistake her for being Jewish, and sometimes talk to her in Hebrew, she says. “I can remember riding my bike to piano lessons and thinking about Israel,” she says of her youth. “I thought I was adopted for a while.” (Subtext: do you forgive me yet, Palm Beach County?)
Perhaps worried that she was being out-crazied by Rep. Curt Weldon (R-PA), who’s blamed his recent troubles with the FBI on a complicated left-wing conspiracy, Harris alleges she’s beseiged by an even more complicated meta-conspiracy, “encompassing both the ‘liberal media’ and the Republican ‘elite,'” as the Post describes it. (Subtext: I’m a uniter, not a divider.)
Do you remember her promises to spend her $10 million inheritance getting elected? Then she said, no, she’s going to sell all of her assets and spend that on her campaign as well. Then she said she wasn’t spending her inheritance, just her assets, which totaled $10 million so what’s the difference? Now, she tells the Post that the $3 million she’s put in is all she’s going to spend. “[That’s] everything that I have liquid,” she told the paper. (Subtext: I’m frugal — maybe give me a seat on Appropriations?)
But the greatest news of all is, Pink Sugar’s writing a book! It will detail the multitudinous indignities visited upon her during her Senate run — by fellow GOPers, the press, and possibly the Starbucks barista who didn’t make her coffee hot enough. “It’s going to be great,” she promises. (Subtext: Give me C-SPAN, or I’m taking Oprah hostage.)
