Broadband Policy Update: Verizon Doofuses Edition

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We take public policy seriously here at TPM. You know that. And we’ve been doing a research project over recent months to understand the impact of monopolies on price and service in acquiring high speed internet access. Well, the verdict is in and monopolies or duopolies make all the big telecom providers grand historic disasters of almost unimaginable dimensions, whose terribleness is only slightly offset by the perpetual comedy of their extreme incompetence. Here’s our report.

A few months ago we decided that the corporate broadband internet connectivity provided by Time Warner Cable was so bad that we had to make a change. So we decided to make the move to Verizon. Actually, to a far more robust connection than we really had any need for. But having had the experience of TWC’s weekly or daily outages and slow downs and the long slow lives of misery our employees had to live as a result, we knew we needed the absolute fastest, most reliable set up we could get, even though it was much more than we needed or would like to spend.

That was about three months ago when we signed up for our new service which was scheduled to be in place in two to three weeks. Oh my were we mistaken. Or not mistaken. That’s what we were told. But it hasn’t turned out that way. It turns out that Verizon needed perhaps a dozen separate visits to our office to do different things like look for our office, look at our office, have us install a board and drill a hole, re-look at the same board, install a box, later install a router, redo all that stuff when it was done wrong the first time. The process was managed by a gentleman in an unnamed country in East Asia – whose being in a time zone on the other side of the planet complicated the process somewhat.

Well, there’ve been ups and downs and various staff discussions about how Verizon stays in business. But with this and that deadline broken, everything seemed to be building to today. THE BIG DAY. Sure, there were earlier big days. But we had big hopes for this one. Our Deputy Publisher was clearly pumped and ready. Today was the day after multiply surveys, installations, finding out that things hadn’t been plugged in or that the string connecting our cup to the other guy’s cup in Manilla had broken. Today was the day. Finally, a real internet connection for the 21st century would be ours. (And to be clear, we’re not on some snow hill in Vermont. We’re right in the center of Manhattan, where there’s lots of Interwebs.)

I knew there was a problem though when the Deputy Publisher started vibrating in his chair a few feet away from mine. Then heated language and even a few swear words to whoever he was talking to on the phone. Then more shaking. Then he just left. I was thinking it might be a Brooklyn Bridge situation or perhaps I’d find him on the corner yelling about socialism or just randomly accosting people. None of those turned out to be the case. He’s back now. Apparently without having committed any major crimes.

So the latest? After three months of working with Verizon to get their collective head out of their ass, the latest is that the router doesn’t have a SIM card. And in case you’re wondering, yes apparently this kind of fiber optic connection pretty much definitively needs a SIM card. But they forgot to order one, or put one in. Or something.

Thanks, Obama. Thanks, Verizon.

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