Denver Riggleman Is Our Duke Of The Week

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August 4, 2018 9:00 a.m.

Some political figures loom large in history. They take on mythic proportions as their legacies transcend the centuries. Leaders like Abraham Lincoln, Eleanor Roosevelt and Thurgood Marshall have earned spots in the pantheon of American heroes.

One of these titans has been invoked in the congressional race in Virginia’s fifth district. His shadow stretches long and the fascination with him spans years, continents and cultures.

Bigfoot.

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In a bizarre turn of events, Leslie Cockburn, the Democratic candidate running for former Duke Rep. Tom Garrett’s seat (R-VA), unearthed opponent Republican Denver Riggleman’s extensive interest in Bigfoot, tweeting censored pictures of the naked creature taken from Riggleman’s Instagram and calling him a “devotee of Bigfoot erotica.”

Riggleman laughed off the claims, saying that he is merely interested in the “belief system” surrounding the lore. He has authored “Bigfoot Exterminators Inc: The Partially Cautionary, Mostly True Tale of Monster Hunt 2006.”

“For me, the book really is an anthropological study on all the people who believe in Bigfoot and the different Bigfoot belief systems out there. That’s it,” Riggleman told the Daily Beast. “This is a real subculture in the United States and it’s hundreds of thousands of people that believe.”

Weird, but okay? Maybe that makes sense? Could it truly be just a pseudo-academic pursuit? Much like the wildly popular Animal Planet show “Finding Bigfoot” with its 90 whole episodes and two spinoff series all about a pack of avid enthusiasts’ futile efforts to find and bag the beast?

WRONG.

This is fishy from top to bottom and don’t let anyone tell you different.

To start, Riggleman has already titled his next installment: “Mating Habits of Bigfoot and Why Women Want Him.” When asked if maybe possibly perchance he would consider changing a title which sounds an awful lot like something a devotee of Bigfoot erotica would write, Riggleman was incredulous.

“I’m not gonna change the title,” Riggleman told the Daily Beast “Absolutely not. It’s funny, I love it.”

And then this: the Daily Beast has done the Lord’s work of actually reading Riggleman’s first tome and found some, um, peculiar details.

In no particular order, the book includes references to:

  • Capturing Bigfoot using a bait of menstrual blood
  • Denver getting an “ass massage”
  • Prodding “Bigfoot balls” with a stick
  • And an important academic thesis: “Bigfoot likes sex too”

He has also told right-wing outlet CRTV that he is fascinated by the Bigfoot belief that the beast can transmit “psychic terror vibes, to make you run through the woods and crash into a tree so they can drag you into the woods and create baby Bigfoots.”

That is a lot of erotic-y stuff for someone who claims to have been previously unaware of the wide and freaky world of Bigfoot porn.

But as the long-suffering Rigglemen sighed: “When you do anthropological studies, I think you’re misunderstood.”

For proving that naming your child Denver Riggleman certainly will take some kind of toll on his psyche later in life, the esteemed Mr. Riggleman is our Duke of the Week.

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