HBO host Bill Maher couldn’t resist after this week’s news that conservative media titan Rupert Murdoch’s company had purchased a publishing company known for its sultry “romance” novels.
“I think their conservative agenda is going to get in the mix,” Maher said of NewsCorp’s $415 million acquisition of Harlequin, a publisher that churns out more than 110 books a month, with titles like “Relentless Seduction.”
So Maher imagined Friday what a Murdoch-run soft-core porn publisher might look like, reading from his own mock book, “Love’s Fair and Balanced Desire.”
It told the tale of a love triangle between Rachel Winterhave, “a home-schooled virgin brain nurse,” Dax Random, “a widower whose wife had died in the War on Christmas,” and a Latino orderly named Hector.
The NSFW segment included conservative dirty talk — “Drill, baby, drill” — and similes only a conservative audience could love. One character’s manhood grew “ever larger and larger, like the deficit under Obama.”
“Don’t bother,” Rachel tells Dax as he attempts to practice safe sex. “My body has a way of shutting that whole thing down.”
The full video is available via Mediaite.
