Halloween 1-Percenter: Poor Kids Keep Coming To My Neighborhood

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October 23, 2014 1:16 p.m.
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Slate’s “Dear Prudence” on Thursday ran a letter from an advice-seeker identified as a whiny suburban homeowner who is incredibly concerned that poor kids are going to ruin Halloween in the cul-de-sac.

The individual, identified as “Halloween for the 99 Percent,” asked Prudence for permission to be entirely peeved that people see “one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country” as a destination for the best trick-or-treating.

“99 Percent” apparently lives on “one of the more ‘modest’ streets” in a neighborhood full of famous people, and as a result has had to spend oodles on candy for the plebes.

“I have noticed that on Halloween, what seems like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween isn’t a social service or a charity in which I have to buy candy for less fortunate children,” the anonymous homeowner whined.

“99 Percent” felt a little bad about wanting to cancel Halloween, but worse about taxes.

“Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible person, because what’s the big deal about making less fortunate kids happy on a holiday? But it just bugs me, because we already pay more than enough taxes toward actual social services,” “99 Percent” wrote.

Emily Yoffe, Slate’s “Prudence,” took “99 Percent” to task.

“Your whine makes me kind of wish that people from the actual poor side of town come this year not with scary costumes but with real pitchforks. Stop being callous and miserly and go to Costco, you cheapskate, and get enough candy to fill the bags of the kids who come one day a year to marvel at how the 1 percent live,” Yoffe wrote in response.

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