Local police have released the mugshots of the gang of Talibanized Amish men who were rampaging through Holmes County breaking into houses and ritually chopping off the beards and hair of the Amish unbelievers.

Sure you’ve seen Herman Cain’s instant-classic Pizza-fied rendition of John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’. But who’s that guy in the audience giving Cain a rousing round of applause: Sen. Ben Nelson!

From a dominating lead a few weeks ago, Rick Perry is down to 2.9 percent support in Florida.