Susie Bright is an author, editor, performer, lecturer, sex-positive feminist and political junkie. She blogs at Susie Bright’s Journal.
Meritorious Achievement in The Crazy
Ginny Thomas: Christine O’Donnell would run for Chief Dog-Catcher in Hades if you paid her in cash. But where’s the heart in her witchiness; where’s the true-blue bat-shit crazy that goes beyond greed and ignorance?
I want to honor Ginny Thomas this year, who did not gain one penny or vote of confidence by going off the rails one lonely autumn night in the most painful display of ass-dialing in cheated wife history.
Mrs. Thomas impulsively phoned Anita Hill, 19 years after the sex scandal that nearly torpedoed her husband’s SCOTUS career, to suggest that Anita, of all people, make a public apology for questioning Clarence’s righteousness.
Ginny thought so much of her phone-in confrontation that she even bragged about it to ABC News, unaware that everyone in the entire world, especially a cuckolded spouse, understands that Miss Hill was never the problem in the Thomas’ marriage.
Ginny has not yet woken up. She still slumbers in cognitive dissonance, unaware that the demon in her night sweats is perhaps sleeping right next to her. Phone home, Ginny. You have succeeded at nothing– except a shot at the Duke Award, and the horrified recognition of thousands of lovers who’ve endured the masochism of defending their lyin’, cheatin’, denyin’ partners-for-life. Hank Williams is cryin’ for you now.
Unrefudiated Champion of Tea Party Wackiness
Carl Paladino — for his wacky but mighty balls. Carl personifies the violent kick of every Tea Party threat, the notion that the 2nd Amendment is just a fancy way of saying, “I’ll take you out, motherfucker.”
Unlike most nutjobs who talk a good game but then run and hide in the corner with their oxytocin supplements, Paladino has to be physically restrained by his own men to keep from offing the impudent opposition.
Advice for Carl in 2011? “Leave the gun. Take the cannolis.”
Most Outrageous Election Season Fib Issued By A Politician
Jan Brewer’s grand delusions are a Hollywood screenwriter’s dream: It’s “Night of the Living Dead” meets “Viva Zapata”! She’s just so… cinematic in her unvarnished racism, you feel like selling tickets from a circus tent every time she opens her mouth.
Nominees For Most Over-The-Top Campaign Ad
Demon Sheep: We never knew Carly Fiorina had aesthetic depths, but her visceral plunge into bestial surrealism — posing as political propaganda — would give Salvador Dali himself a thing or two to contemplate. Was it a California acid trip, sheep-dipped performance art or a daring act of political suicide? One thing’s for sure, we can expect to see Fiorina’s video preserved in future exhibits at the Smithsonian and then banned for its radical sensuality and pagan undertones.
The George Allen Honors For Best Tracker-Captured Freak-Out
Phil Davison: Here’s a case where TPM’s coverage made all the difference to one judge:
I might have chosen a paparazzi favorite like Paladino or Joe Miller, if I hadn’t seen poor Phil Davison make his psychotic political speech at a small, locals-only venue, elevating it beyond mere demagoguery and into a zombie-level panic attack. His screeching hysteria would make a hyena beg for mercy.
Davison seems to embody the sense that the state of Ohio itself is about to implode from Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder and the well-earned paranoia that The End is Coming.
Who are we kidding? — We Are All Phil Davison, if one more string gets pulled.
Best Scandal — Sex and Generalized Carnality
If George Reker hadn’t hired a pretty young prostitute from RentBoy.com and taken him on a tour of the Continent — only to be busted on camera at the airport — we might have never have known that this one individual, a co-founder of the Family Research Council, is responsible for some of the virulent and shameful discrimination in our nation’s legal history.
Every private and public institution that has sought to punish or outlaw homosexuality has called upon George to be their victorious expert witness. The state of Florida hired him to ban “gay adoptions,” even though George himself has adopted a son. The Boy Scouts hired George to make sure that no gay person is ever allowed to set foot in their organization… yeah, tell us how that worked out.
While Reker himself is still ranting, “I’m Not Gay,” the rest of us are cringing at his hypocrisy. If there was ever a burnt offering for the gut-wrenching effects of sexual repression, Reker takes the cake.
Bell, CA Salary Scandal: Okay, conflict of interest here — I worked in Bell, circa the 1970s, as a union organizer, in a place where most citizens were treated like indentured servants, and lived well below the poverty line. — And those were the “golden years!”
“Bell is Hell” — I’m sure I didn’t coin the phrase. A tiny band of thugs, also known as the City Council, stole hundreds of thousands in public dollars while their “constituents” literally starved to death.
Le Guillotine!
Best Scandal — General Interest
Can Meg Whitman help it if every time she or one of her family members opens their mouths, they sound like elitist snots who think the rest of the world should be grateful to empty their diaper?
I guess not.
For all Whitman’s evisceration over her treatment of her nanny-maid (You May Go Now — We Are Done with You), Meg still doesn’t get it — she thinks referring to one’s “help” by their first name, and talking about them as if they were an unfortunate family pet, is somehow endearing to the public.
Americans aren’t supposed to be class-conscious, but some rich people can’t help but scratch that itch on the mike. As Barbara Bush once said, “So many of [these] people, you know, are underprivileged anyway so, ha ha, this is working very well for them.”
Too bad it didn’t work out for Little Miss Billionaire.
