What do you get for the paramilitary-enthusiast who has everything? Well, thanks to the new online proshop launched by Blackwater, the private military contractor also known as Xe, there is a whole world of merchandise available for everyone, for every occasion…as long as you don’t mind the stares you’ll get for being associated with the group that’s been the center of several controversies in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Here’s TPM’s list of the top ten items available on Blackwater’s answer to Amazon, beginning with this beach towel. Though there aren’t many bodies of water in the desert, there are plenty of places to sunbathe on the sand! Just be careful, the bright blue color may alert enemy aircraft to your location.
http://proshop.blackwaterusa.com
Described on the site as “designed for concealed carry or work out wear,” this “Holster Shirt” has the added benefit of enhancing your hard-earned muscles.
http://proshop.blackwaterusa.com
This “Folding Knife” in “Realtree Camo” is the ultimate in stealthy weaponry.
http://proshop.blackwaterusa.com
Nothing says “Daddy’s Little Military Contractor” like this girl baby’s onesie.
http://proshop.blackwaterusa.com
This “Discreet Pant” comes with “the features and fit you come to expect from the Operator Grade line without having the telltale ‘tactical’ look.” That’s why they’re conveniently disguised as “Dad Jeans.”
http://proshop.blackwaterusa.com
Don’t worry if you’re more of the “indoor” sort — Blackwater’s got something for you too! This mousepad will always remind you to “train hard…or don’t train at all,” even if that training just involves honing your “World Of Warcraft” skills.
http://proshop.blackwaterusa.com
The “BLACKHAWK! STRIKE Omega Vest” is perfect for every mission, from covert ops in Afghanistan, to picking up milk from the grocery store.
http://proshop.blackwaterusa.com
Just in case you happen to find yourself in the middle of a desert rave, you’ll always be prepared to party with these 12-hour glowsticks.
http://proshop.blackwaterusa.com
This “Nomex Balaclava” provides “Flame/flash protection” for the head and neck, and doubles as a clever disguise for all your breaking-and-entering needs.
http://proshop.blackwaterusa.com
And, finally, this shot glass lets you bring the party with you wherever you go.
WARNING: Do not use with “Realtree Camo Folding Knife.”
http://proshop.blackwaterusa.com
