Washington Post Finds A Woman Named Jade Helm

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The Washington Post found a woman named Jade Helm — a name she shares with the military training operation that conspiracy theorists have said may be a covert government attempt to institute martial law.

For Helm, a wine industry writer and consultant, it’s very annoying to share a name with a program that’s served as fodder for such wild theories as shuttered Wal-Marts being used as shelters for Chinese soldiers who will assist in the takeover of Texas. (The U.S. military has said there will be no takeover, and that “Jade Helm 15” is a standard training exercise.)

“Maybe I have a low threshold,” she told the Post, “but I got annoyed pretty early.”

Helm confirmed to the Post that Jade Helm is her actual name although Jade is her middle name and Helm is her married name.

“My father chose my name and I was to be called Jade regardless of gender,” Helm told the paper, “Nikki Jade if a girl and Mickey Jade if a boy.”

Helm reportedly said there was one “sordid” element about her name — her father, she said, found the name Jade in “what could be called a ‘girlie magazine.'”

Helm, who has received an onslaught of social media requests from people seeking to connect with the military project, told the Post she jokes about the situation with her friends..

“I usually respond that ‘Wine was just my cover. Please don’t blow it,'” she said.

While Helm didn’t comment on the conspiracy theories, she speculated that perhaps the military “chose Jade Helm because it is a kick-ass name.”

Image by Shutterstock/COSfoto

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Notable Replies

  1. Apparently the Washington Post doesn’t have enough to do with their time.

  2. I’ll say this as politely as I am able at this point.

    Come on TPM, WHO GIVES A FUCK?

  3. Nah, they just had some unpaid intern go through Google results until she found someone with that name, on page 19,356. (Her supervisor had come in with a hangover that day and was just making up stuff for her to do.)

  4. Ah-Hah! So Obama is planning on appointing a female to be the new dictator of Texas once the takeover is complete.

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