Stephen Colbert lamented on Thursday night’s “The Colbert Report” that the “white Christian establishment was under attack again.”
“Once again the secular progressives are coming for the most sacred American holiday in the first half of October,” Colbert said before revealing that Seattle was replacing Columbus Day with “Indigenous Peoples’ Day.”
“Why?” Colbert said. “They didn’t discover America. And it was right under their feet the whole time. How lazy do you have to be to not even look down?”
Colbert noted that Seattle argued the change was made to combat racism. But he saw it as an assault on Columbus and couldn’t help but take it personally.
“As an American patriot, I identify with an Italian explorer employed by Spain,” Colbert said. “This was the good kind of Hispanic immigrant. I’d be fine with those border jumpers if they were just trying to find spice routes to Asia.”
Watch the video below, courtesy of Comedy Central:
God bless Vespucci-land. He alone demonstrated to the un-believing Europeans that Columbus had not in fact reached Asia, as was originally claimed. Of course, this did not prevent the extinction of the Caribe ‘Indians’ but what the hell. You gotta break some eggs to make Huevos Rancheros, Si?
We really should be celebrating the first Europeans who set foot on this continent…I say we celebrate Leif Erikson Day or St. Brendon Day. After all, they arrived here and showed that Europeans didn’t have to engage in mass murder and genocide.
My understanding of the situation involves “Waiting for the Electrician or Someone Like Him”. The historical perspective presented therein is, I believe, is accurate.