Colbert ‘Honors The Memory Of Trump Mattering’

Stephen Colbert
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Donald Trump is a great friend to Stephen Colbert. They race yachts, they trade mistresses. Colbert calls the Donald “Trump Card.” Trump calls Colbert “Cold Beer.”

But don’t expect Colbert to shed a tear over Trump’s bowing out of his own GOP debate. “(Trump) looks like a tangelo had sex with an old dish rag,” Colbert said. “And I can say that because I love this man. And to honor the memory of Trump mattering, it is more important than ever I re-announce my ‘South Carolina Serious, Classy Republican Debate.'”

Colbert’s debate is the real deal. It’s slated for mid-to-late January, and it could air either on Animal Planet or National Geographic Channel. And naturally, it will be held in a zoo, in the polar bear enclosure.

“Let the polar bear pick the winner,” Colbert said. “All the candidates get pre-rubbed with salmon, the finest nova lox from Zabar’s, or equivalent.”

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