Your Nominees for the 2011 Golden Duke Awards!
TPM is pleased to announce that we will be awarding our Fifth Annual Golden Dukes to recognize the year’s great accomplishments in muckiness including acts of venal corruption, outstanding self-inflicted losses of dignity, crimes against the republic, bribery, exposed hypocrisy and generally malevolent governance.
The awards are named in honor of Congressman-turned-inmate Randy “Duke” Cunningham, who epitomizes the iconic modern scandal. Few have so combined outlandish corruption, national security, sex and sheer cartoonish ridiculousness. 2011 has been a banner year for muck and scandal—from Anthony Weiner’s crotch shot Twitpics to the fall of MF Global—there’s been a lot to rake. So let’s get to it…
The Nominees
We’ll be giving honors in seven categories:
Meritorious Achievement In The Crazy
Michele Bachmann
Best Election Gaffe
Herman Cain for his “Libya Blank Stare.”Rick Perry for the “Oops” heard ‘round the world.
Mitt Romney for “Corporations are people.”
Michele Bachmann for suggesting gay people marry people of the opposite sex.
Tim Pawlenty for dropping out.
Most Outrageous Fib Issued By A Politician
Herman Cain for not having affairs, denying having had affairs, then admitting to having had something that was pretty clearly an affair.Jon Kyl for his “not intended to be a factual statement” claims on Planned Parenthood.
Michele Bachmann for that whole HPV vaccines cause mental retardation thing.
Newt Gingrich for claiming he was paid as a mere “historian” by Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.
Outstanding Achievement In Corruption-Based Chutzpah
Rod Blagojevich, former Illinois governor (D) sentenced to 14 years in federal prison for trying to sell the Senate seat vacated by President Barack Obama.Jon Corzine, former New Jersey governor (D) and former CEO of Goldman Sachs and MF Global, which filed for bankruptcy in October.
Newt Gingrich for his consistent claims of not having lobbied on behalf of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.
Rick Scott, Florida governor (R), for mandating welfare beneficiaries and state employees take drug tests.
William F. Boyland, New York Assemblyman (D) accused of soliciting bribes to pay for his legal fees—for bribery charges.
Best Scandal — Sex and Generalized Carnality
Minnesota Senator Amy Koch for a reportedly inappropriate relationship with a staffer.Anthony Weiner for his crotch shots and the ensuing circus show around them.
Bill Johnson, anti-gay Republican who made a failed bid for Alabama governor in 2010, for leading a second life of sperm donations-to lesbians in New Zealand.
Chris Lee, former New York Representative (R), for those shirtless pictures on Craigslist that let to his speedy resignation.
Herman Cain for just about everything involving him and women.
Patrick J. Sullivan, Arapahoe County sheriff, for his drug/sex inclinations—that meth-for-sex case.
Best Scandal — Local Venue
AZ Senate Majority Leader Scott Bundgaard for abuse of power.Chris Myers, New Jersey Mayor (R), for his “Rentboy” scandal.
Jack & Leslie Johnson, a husband and wife duo who proved, amid bribery charges, that stuffing cash in a bra and flushing a check down the toilet during your coverup will likely land you in prison.
TN Judge Richard Baumgartner, for pleading guilty to buying drugs from a felon under his jurisdiction.
Patrick J. Sullivan, Arapahoe County sheriff, for the meth-for-sex case.
Scott Beason, Alabama State Senator (R), for that bingo bribery case.
Susana Martinez, Governor of New Mexico (R), for the murky ties behind her push for an Albuquerque racino.
Best Scandal — General Interest
Anthony WeinerThe entire Herman Cain candidacy for…well…everything.
Jon Corzine for the collapse of MF Global and then testifying that he doesn’t know where the money went.
Joe Walsh for being honored by the Family Research Council Action for his “unwavering support of the family” amid allegations he owes more than $100,000 in child support to his ex-wife.
San Fernando, CA Mayor Mario Hernandez for—among other things—announcing an affair with a fellow City Council member at a City Council meeting while his wife sat in the front row of the audience.
It’s in the judges’ hands now. The winners in all seven categories will be announced on December 30, 2011.
The Judges
We’re happy to have a distinguished panel of expert judges to sort through your nominations and choose the ultimate winners. They are:
Jack Abramoff, former lobbyist, current businessman and author, sent to prison in 2006 for mail fraud and conspiracy.
Gene Weingarten, Pulitzer Prize winner of the Washington Post
Hendrik Hertzberg, political commentator for The New Yorker
@PourMeCoffee, Twitter celebrity extraordinaire
Dahlia Lithwick, law and legal affairs writer at Slate
Susie Bright, author, sexologist, analyst of erotic endeavors
The E-mails
Here are the e-mails that selected our lucky nominees:
Meritorious Achievement In The Crazy
From reader JD:
Michele Bachmann: Michele Bachmann, hands-down. Her utterances known to be false (PolitiFact) include, but are not limited to: President Barack Obama “has virtually no one in his cabinet with private-sector experience.” “President Obama has the lowest public approval ratings of any president in modern times.” “These 15 political appointees (on the IPAB) will make all the major health care decisions for over 300 million Americans.” “Under Barack Obama’s watch, we have expended $805 billion to liberate the people of Iraq and, more importantly, 4,400 American lives.” Says Mitt Romney, as governor of Massachusetts, “put into place socialized medicine.” Says the vaccine to prevent HPV “can cause mental retardation.”
From reader DF:
Joe Walsh:Without question, the winner for “Meritorious Achievement in The Crazy” should be Rep. Joe Walsh (R-IL). If winning “family values” awards while owing more than $100K in child support isn’t crazy enough, deadbeat dad is constantly beating the drum for the Tea Party’s craziest ideas, leading him to criticize President Obama for creating debt for his children. The man who owes $100K to his ex-wife to pay for his children criticizes the President for creating debt for his children. This act of ballsy insanity alone should be enough to win every crazy award out there, but last month he reached a new tier of wacko. He screamed at a constituent who asked about the economy, “Don’t blame the banks and don’t blame the marketplace…I’m tired of hearing that crap.” He heckles and swears at constituents for asking questions, and then apologizes for being “too passionate.” For sheer volume alone, he deserves to be the King of Crazy. And for thinking the problem in his diatribe was his tone rather than his insane opinion that banks had no role in causing the economic crisis, he deserves his very own out-of-touch throne.
From reader RW:
Joe Arpaio: It’s bad enough when you routinely and aggressively discriminate against Hispanics and treat your jail like a forced labor camp. But when you then try to obstruct a federal investigation into your shenanigans, then call the investigation “politically charged,” you’ve entered the realm of alternate universes.
From reader WVW:
Herman Cain: I’d go with Herman Cain saying the border fence should be electrified to kill anyone who touched it, and then saying he was just kidding. What a card!
From reader JLP:
Rick Perry: Unlike Bachmann, no one expected Perry to be quite as crazy as he turned out to be. And while he’s not as paranoid of a nutbar as some of the other Tea Partiers, he makes up for it in seemingly drunk speeches and talking about ‘gays’ in farm coats.
From reader RW:
Herman Cain for his “Libya Blank Stare”: The reasons are self-evident, but why is this the best? It tops Rick Perry’s deer-in-the-headlights at the debate because at least Perry stayed on message and had his talking points in a row, even if he supremely blanked on one of them. Cain couldn’t even keep his stock answers straight in his head, on an issue that pretty much dominated the headlines twice - in March and again in October. Seeing as the President has the greatest policy latitude in foreign affairs, this is worse than Perry.
From reader MS:
Rick Perry for “Oops”: Rick Perry, Rick Perry, and uhhh…what’s the third one there? For me, nothing will outshine this cringe worthy moment. Despite all of my ill-will toward him and his ill-will for so many others, I actually felt sorry for the guy.
From reader TH:
Mitt Romney for “Corporations are people”: Now, this may seem relatively innocuous for this category, but I think it’s absolutely crazy for a variety of reasons. The first part of my case is what he actually said, “Corporations are people.” If we take a step back and ignore the Citizens United ruling, this is a completely nutty thing to say. Stephen Colbert has, as always, managed to highlight this better than anyone in his current pursuit to add a question to South Carolina’s ballot asking citizens if “corporations are people or only people are people?” So, why pick Mitt Romney when pretty much every other Republican now believes this? One, I don’t recall anyone else saying it quite as succinctly as Mitt. Second, you have a guy who was, at the time, the frontrunner for the Republican nomination to be President of the United States of America. This isn’t Donald Trump spouting off some random thoughts to maintain relevance in the media news cycle. This is a guy who has a pretty good chance to become president. And he’s essentially saying that anyone can multiply himself by creating an LLC. In conclusion, thinking a business is a person is absolutely nuts, and the fact that the GOP front-runner for president said that aloud, on camera, and without hedging or clarification is about the craziest thing I can think of happening in 2011.
From reader KM:
Michele Bachmann for comments on homosexual marriages: Michele Bachmann’s generous proposal to let gays marry people of the opposite sex should surely win her the support of gay marriage activists, right?
From reader MO:
Tim Pawlenty for dropping out: How do you spend 4 years prepping to run for President and then get scared off by a straw poll, or unable to criticize Romney, of all people, in person, for that matter? I’m sure there will be many Perry debate-related nominations, but Pawlenty’s withdrawal really was a huge mistake and changed the dynamic of the GOP race completely.
Most Outrageous Fib Issued By A Politician
From reader KM:
Herman Cain for backtracking on his affairs : Herman Cain never met a woman he didn’t like and whose name he could not forget.
From reader K:
Jon Kyl for his statements on Planned Parenthood: This one is not even close. You can’t do any better…First you have the outrageous remarks Kyl made on the floor of the Senate. First to issue this statement: “If you want an abortion, you go to Planned Parenthood, and that’s well over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does.” Where he was wrong by an order of magnitude and then issue the following statement when Kyl’s speech was questioned by CNN: “We did call [Kyl’s] office trying to ask what he was talking about there. And I just want to give it you verbatim here. It says, ‘his remark was not intended to be a factual statement…”
That is a classic. Why say it if it is not a fact? And the chutzpah to issue the statement and not even admit to a mistake. Come on, that is unbeatable. Pure wingnuttian dog whistle politics and an I don’t give a shit attitude. When you can be completely full of it and create a new Internet meme all in one day, I just don’t see how anyone can top that.”
From reader TH:
Michele Bachmann on the HPV vaccine: HPV/Retardation causation. I don’t need 250 words for this.
From reader MO:
Newt Gingrich and Fannie/Freddie: This one’s easy. Newt Gingrich, for explaining his lobbying for Fannie and Freddie as the acts of a historian. Anything like this that is universally denounced immediately as B.S. by both sides has to be an historically outrageous fib. It’s so untrue that no one believes it, not even the politician who said it.
Outstanding Achievement In Corruption-Based Chutzpah
From reader KW:
Rod Blagojevich: For continuing to mount a defense when he had none.
From reader MS:
Jon Corzine: After railing against the over leveraged positions that crashed the markets and major financial institutions, he goes and leads MF Global to get even MORE leveraged, deceived the positions to his investors and Wall Street, and even goes over the heads of regulators who had begun to look into his dealings. That’s serious chutzpah.
From reader DC:
Newt Gingrich: “I have never done any lobbying. Every contract was written during a period when I was out of the office specifically said I would do no lobbying, and I offered advice. And my advice, as a historian…”
An eminent, tenured historian at an Ivy League university might clear $100K a year. Newton Leroy Gingrich was once an assistant professor of History at West Georgia College, a third-rate school. At Freddie Mac, he was on a self-renewing retainer for $25-$30K a month—the standard method of payment for lobbyists. Being a lobbyist for Freddie Mac, eventually reaping over a million dollars, and pretending it’s historian’s work is chutzpah—but it doesn’t stop there. When Newton was on the attack- calling for Barney Frank’s and Chris Dodd’s arrests—he said the following: “If you want to put people in jail…let’s look at the politicians who profited from the environment…” (10/11/11) In effect, Gingrich called for his own arrest—now that’s chutzpah with a capital ה !”
From reader JR:
Rick Scott: For requiring all federal workers and welfare applicants to undergo drug testing while his wife owned a $62 million stake in a drug-testing company that he ran..
From reader PS:
William F. Boyland: Boyland was indicted on federal bribery charges earlier in the year. He was acquitted. However, at the end of November he was arrested again for similar bribery charges. The prosecutors claim that Boyland had the tenacity to continue soliciting bribes during the time he was under indictment. In sum he is accused of soliciting up to $250,000 worth of bribes. The best part of the entire story is that he is accused of soliciting new bribes in order to pay his lawyers to represent him in the old bribery case. If that isn’t the definition of corruption based chutzpah, I don’t know what is.
Best Scandal — Sex and Generalized Carnality
From reader DG:
Amy Koch:On December 15th, Republican State Senator Koch abruptly announced her resignation as Majority Leader, saying she wanted to spend more time with her daughter. Then Twitter exploded after reports surfaced that Senate staffers had complained weeks ago about her “inappropriate relationship with a male ‘direct report’” staffer. I think what makes this scandal notable is that in Senator Koch’s first session as Majority Leader, a bill to add a Constitutional Amendment to ban same sex marriages in Minnesota was a major issue pushed (and passed by) the Minnesota GOP.
From reader MS:
Anthony Weiner: You can’t not be childish about this one. I mean Anthony Weiner, tweeted his wiener. Claims of nefarious hacking led to him actually saying he “can’t say with certitude” that it was his…until he did. The slow motion implosion of this political figure over something so ridiculous was irresistible. This one has to be at the tip, I mean, top of the list.
From reader JR:
Bill Johnson: It takes a special kind of hypocrisy to run for an office on the platforms of devotion to one’s family and persecuting homosexuals and preventing further rights being given to such couples, all while communicating with foreign lesbian couples, seeing them personally, and “donating” his sperm to them so that they can have children of their own. Had the wife known about the insemination, that would be a different story. As she has described her husband’s actions as “utmost betrayal,” one is given the impression that this was news to her, too.
From reader DC:
Chris Lee: Shirtless Chris, he of the “Sexy Classy Guy for passable TS/CD-m4t-39 (Cap Hill)” Craigslist post. The text of his post just sings to me: “New to area.” Actually, he’d just gotten back to DC, after winning his second term. Must have been exciting for Chris-he must have been feeling a bit cocky. The TS/CD scene in DC has got to be way better than Tonawanda. “Very fit classy, successful guy.” There’s that classy word, twice in one post. Nothing says ‘class’ like Craigslist-enabled infidelity. “39, 6ft 190lbs, blond/blue. smooth hard body/” Well- 46 at the time of his posting- but really, what’s 7 years when there’s a deep, romantic connection? “Looking for a sexy ts/cd that i can spoil. I promise not to disappoint” If only his constituents had done some sexy cross-dressing, maybe he wouldn’t have gone looking on Craigslist. Just sayin’.
From reader TH:
Herman Cain: Kind of a lifetime achievement award.
From reader CG:
Patrick J. Sullivan: I’d like to nominate Patrick J. Sullivan, the Arapahoe County sheriff who was arrested trading methamphetamine for sexual favors and was locked up in the correctional facility bearing his name. If there’s a supporting role award for this category, it’d be awarded to the judge who reduced his bail from $500K to $50K.
Best Scandal — Local Venue
From reader EK:
AZ Senate Majority Leader Scott Bundgaard: We do the best we can in Arizona to entertain the rest of the nation. Our Senate Majority Leader invoking legislative immunity from arrest while drunkenly fighting with his girlfriend along a freeway merits some consideration.
From reader DC:
Chris Myers, Mayor of Medford, NJ: The scene: A hotel room in the vicinity of Palmdale, California. The Mayor of Medford, NJ, on a business trip, hires a male escort. The Mayor shows the impressionable young man his Mayor’s badge, and after a satisfying session, promises him the moon- or at least a car and some audio equipment. When these promises are not kept (!), the aggrieved escort takes to the Internet, publishing one photo of the Mayor- abulge in fashion briefs, sprawled on the bed—and another of an ATM receipt, indicating a $500 withdrawal. The Mayor denies, denies and resigns. The takeaway: Don’t write a check with your mouth that your ass can’t cash. Never has this moral lesson been such a snug fit.
From reader CC:
Jack & Leslie Johnson: State’s Attorney turned 2-term County Executive and administrative law judge power couple go down in dramatic federal probe. The fall involved a recording of Jack accepting a cash bribe from a developer, federal agents walking in, asking about the bribe, then asking for Johnson’s cell phone. Federal agents leave room with cell phone, then return again & hand phone back to Johnson. Johnson then uses phone to call wife to tell her to destroy $100,000 bribery check and stuff underwear with $70k in cash as federal agents pound at the door. Feds recently released video & audio recordings of Jack boasting about how the feds were after him, and of Jack telling Leslie to dispose of the bribery check and cash. What was the on the memo line of the $100k check — “bribe”? The Johnsons join a long line of corrupt MD politicians who boast the 2nd highest officeholder in the land brought down for bribery - Spiro Agnew. Go Maryland! Really, it’s quite sad and terrible for Prince George’s County.
From reader DMD:
TN Judge Richard Baumgartner: National readers may or may not be aware of the horrific Christian Newsom murder trials in Knoxville, which finally led to four convictions. Unfortunately, the reckless, drug-abusing nature of Judge Baumgartner has now led to all four convictions being tossed out, the families of the murder victims being forced to endure new trials. Baumgartner’s behavior not only impacts these trials, but possibly hundreds of cases from the several thousand that he presided over during the period of his drug abuse. This son of bitch, while disbarred, only got two years judicial diversion for his malfeasance, and keeps his pension. Meanwhile, his drug suppliers get longer sentences (he was cheating on his wife with one of them, who he also supervised through his drug court).
From reader BW:
Patrick J. Sullivan: Beloved Araphahoe (Colorado) County sheriff, a man who crusaded against semiautomatic weapons and drugs was caught in meth-for-sex case. This married grandfather is accused (not yet convicted) of trading methamphetamines for sex with men on multiple occasions. He was so beloved and such a good public servant that the jail he now resides in bares his name. The story is new and still developing, and I mean, innocent until proven guilty, but if these charges do turn out that he is guilty, it’s going to be a HUGE corruption scandal here in Colorado.
From reader ER:
Scott Beason: Alabama State Senator Scott Beason is well known as the xenophobe responsible for pushing through the awful Alabama immigration law…Less well known is his role in the Alabama bingo corruption investigation. Asst. AG Lanny Breuer announced in early 2010 that a legislative bribery scandal of shocking scope had occurred in Alabama and indicted 9 people, including state senators and lobbyists.
Scott Beason was one of the government’s star witnesses, as he wore a wire to record everyone and anyone in earshot, including fellow Republican colleagues. He was the origin of the FBI investigation, as he claimed that he was being bribed and was concerned about corruption by the pro bingo forces. He inadvertantly recorded himself and other Republican colleagues referring to African Americans and Native Americans as “aborigines,” revealing himself as a bigot.
His comments were so incendiary that the presiding Judge, Myron Thompson, issued an order finding that Beason and fellow witness Ben Lewis were motivated by racial animus and political advantage and were not credible. Beason initially refused to apologize for his racist comments, but later did so and was eventually removed as Chair of the Senate Rules committee.
Here’s the cherry on top. In his capacity as Rules Chair, he single handedly prevented the legislature from adopting a special option tax for Jefferson County, which recently had to file the largest municipal bankruptcy ever. Beason is a resident of that county and must feel a special pride for single handedly causing his own county to file for bankruptcy.
From reader SC:
Susana Martinez (R), Governor of New Mexico: During her campaign she railed against the corruption-based administration of Bill Richardson. Almost out of the gate, her administration directed the award of a racino license in Albuquerque to an incumbent that had run the previous racino into the ground, owed the state hundreds of thousands in unpaid fees and supported a new racino that the local neighborhoods staunchly opposed. The one thing the incumbent apparently did correctly was provide Martinez with over $40,000 in campaign donations. I guess you do get what you pay for.
Best Scandal — General Interest
From reader TH:
Anthony Weiner: Dude’s last name wins this one.
From reader DC:
The entire Herman Cain candidacy: It’s scandalous to dress up a book tour as a campaign for the highest office in the land, in order to stoke sales and visibility. It’s scandalous to propose that a career as a lobbyist for the fast food industry, and a failed primary run for a Senate seat, qualifies you for the office. It’s scandalous to propose a national tax plan based on fast food marketing paradigms. It’s scandalous to placate racist elements in the right wing by performing what Touré has rightly called a “constant minstrelsy”: the “my Secret Service name is going to be Cornbread” quip, the Koch “brother from another mother” quip, the gospel preacher elocution, the opening of his campaign in Atlanta with the jive slang “Awww shucky ducky!” But to punctuate this book tour wrapped in flags with a cascading series of sexual harassment and infidelity scandals makes a perfect storm of buffoonery, swindle, race and sex.
From reader JS:
Jon Corzine: Jon Corzine driving his company into the ground after being ousted from the NJ Governorship makes my fellow Jersians look like Nostradamus by electing Chris Christie. Now the nation knows why we have the blow-hard-in-chief as governor: He was running against Jon Corzine. A wet paper bag full of dog **** would have won…
From reader LAW:
Joe Walsh: Deadbeat dad.
From reader CC:
San Fernando, CA Mayor Mario Hernandez: At what must have been every reporter’s dream City Council meeting (a meeting where - gasp! - something interesting actually happened), Hernandez casually dropped not one, not two, but three bombs on a presumably shell-shocked audience which included his wife!
1) He had filed for bankruptcy.
2) He had lost his businesses.
3) And, oh yeah, he was “in a relationship” with a fellow City Council member. Which was totally okay, because, you know, he and his wife had separated six months earlier.
This last fact was immediately disputed by the wife (“I’m his wife, we weren’t separated” was the quote from her front-row seat). But whatever light she might have been able to shed on the situation was immediately quashed, when the mayor asked the chief of police to keep the wife quiet, and escort her from the chamber. He then adjourned the meeting. For achieving an impressive trifecta of financial, political and sexual transgression - and for forever setting a new gold standard in the previously quite dry “New Business” City Council agenda item—Mario Hernandez deserves the Golden Duke for Best Scandal - General Interest.