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Public Service Announcement: Help the Senator Rename His Bus
My friends,
I call you “my friends,” because it sounds folksy and friendly. Like I’m just one of you, except I have a few more houses and my shoes are more expensive than John Edwards’ haircut. But nevermind that.
Shut up, Cindy. You c**t. I’m talkin’ to my friends here.
Where was I? Iraq? Czechoslovakia? Oh… no I remember now.
My friends,
I am John McCain, and I drive around the country in my bus. I call it the “Straight Talk Express,” because, you know, I used to be a straight-talkin’ politician.
Lately, I’ve been thinkin’, you know, that I want to paint somethin’ knew on the side of my bus. Somethin’ that reflects my real positions, so that people will see right away what a great guy I am. Because, you see, I want to be president. I want it real bad. So I’ve had to change a few things. You know, there’s nothing wrong with change. I mean, even if that black guy said it, I can say it too, right?
So, my friends, I’m asking you to help me name the bus. What should I call it?
VOICE FROM THE CROWD: Call it the “Bus to Loserville.”
No, my friends. I don’t think that’s quite what I’m looking for.
ANOTHER VOICE: How about the “I Didn’t Say That Express”.
Well, that’s not bad, but I’m lookin’ for something that really represents my views.
FIRST VOICE AGAIN: I got it. I got it. Call it the “Lying to Get Elected Express”.
I, uh. No. If you read the bill… er… I mean, we keep lists. I never said that… She’s the world’s top energy expert. I support regulation… er.. deregulation… well, whatever Obama said, I’m better.
SUDDENLY A CHORUS OF SUGGESTONS ECHOES THROUGH THE NEARLY EMPTY HALL
“The Flip-Flop Express”
“I Know It All Express”
“The Old White Man Express”
Call it “The Keating 5”
“Palin’s Bitch”?
THE ROOM WENT SILENT, AND THEN A LONE VOICE CALLED OUT:
Call it the “Bus to Nowhere”.
No. No, my friends. I didn’t support that. It was the pig… er, the pitbull.
(SIGH)
My friends… my friends at TPM, can you help me? Help me rename my bus, because the Straight Talk Express just isn’t cutting it anymore.
I call you “my friends,” because it sounds folksy and friendly. Like I’m just one of you, except I have a few more houses and my shoes are more expensive than John Edwards’ haircut. But nevermind that.
Shut up, Cindy. You c**t. I’m talkin’ to my friends here.
Where was I? Iraq? Czechoslovakia? Oh… no I remember now.
My friends,
I am John McCain, and I drive around the country in my bus. I call it the “Straight Talk Express,” because, you know, I used to be a straight-talkin’ politician.
Lately, I’ve been thinkin’, you know, that I want to paint somethin’ knew on the side of my bus. Somethin’ that reflects my real positions, so that people will see right away what a great guy I am. Because, you see, I want to be president. I want it real bad. So I’ve had to change a few things. You know, there’s nothing wrong with change. I mean, even if that black guy said it, I can say it too, right?
So, my friends, I’m asking you to help me name the bus. What should I call it?
VOICE FROM THE CROWD: Call it the “Bus to Loserville.”
No, my friends. I don’t think that’s quite what I’m looking for.
ANOTHER VOICE: How about the “I Didn’t Say That Express”.
Well, that’s not bad, but I’m lookin’ for something that really represents my views.
FIRST VOICE AGAIN: I got it. I got it. Call it the “Lying to Get Elected Express”.
I, uh. No. If you read the bill… er… I mean, we keep lists. I never said that… She’s the world’s top energy expert. I support regulation… er.. deregulation… well, whatever Obama said, I’m better.
SUDDENLY A CHORUS OF SUGGESTONS ECHOES THROUGH THE NEARLY EMPTY HALL
“The Flip-Flop Express”
“I Know It All Express”
“The Old White Man Express”
Call it “The Keating 5”
“Palin’s Bitch”?
THE ROOM WENT SILENT, AND THEN A LONE VOICE CALLED OUT:
Call it the “Bus to Nowhere”.
No. No, my friends. I didn’t support that. It was the pig… er, the pitbull.
(SIGH)
My friends… my friends at TPM, can you help me? Help me rename my bus, because the Straight Talk Express just isn’t cutting it anymore.
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Please forgive the typo ("knew" instead of "new").
September 17, 2008 4:53 PM | Reply | Permalink
That is some funny stuff raider :)
(I especially liked the lone voice "bus to nowhere")
Um... how about
The Flying Fundie?
(a play on the fundamentals?)
September 17, 2008 7:09 PM | Reply | Permalink
OK, I'll play.
Stait Jacket Express.
September 17, 2008 7:40 PM | Reply | Permalink
OOPS, make that Strait-jacket Express
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Straitjacket
September 17, 2008 7:42 PM | Reply | Permalink
*Bus to nowhere*, definitely, my friend. )And you're forgiven.)
September 17, 2008 6:21 PM | Reply | Permalink
Here's a perfect name for the Senator's bus:
Stencil a picture of Jeremiah Wright on one side and Michelle Obama on the other side and call it...
The Hate-America Express.
Or were you talking about Senator McCain's bus?
(Thanks to hrebendorf for inspiring this post with his lovely comment: "Pull your head out of your arse--your brain is dying from lack of oxygen."
Obamabots may be ludicrously inarticulate and unable to understand simple statistics, but nobody can deny that they really know how to make enemies for their candidate!)
September 18, 2008 9:53 AM | Reply | Permalink
I don't think it took anything on the part of Obama's supporters to make you an enemy. And I'm sure this is tame by comparison with the kind of vileness that is going on among the right wing. You've offered one example, but I'm sure even that one is pretty tame.
Anyway, it's just one way to define McCain as something other than what he claims to be, and in that sense it's valid, because he's not Mr. Straight Talk, that's for sure.
Oh, and I do appreciate your attempt at humor.
September 18, 2008 10:35 AM | Reply | Permalink
I actually post occasionally on NewsBusters, and my opinion of Bush and Cheney is significantly more negative than my opinion about Obama, but even when I posted "Republican Torture-Pigs" on that very right-wing site, nobody called me a "cockroach."
http://tpmcafe.talkingpointsmemo.com/talk/2008/09/how-the-obamabots-made-enemies.php
Obamabots drove everybody who ever expressed a favorable opinion about Hillary Clinton off liberal sites like DailyKos, but somehow they can't believe their insults could have possibly made any enemies for Obama.
Surprise! Some of us don't want to find out how nasty the Obamabots could be if they had the power of the Presidency behind them.
September 18, 2008 11:36 AM | Reply | Permalink
I wasn't a Clinton basher, and wrote several posts trying to bring a sense of decency and understanding between the two sides. I don't like or appreciate nasty, cutting remarks, though I do thoroughly appreciate thoughtful posts, like the one I'm replying to. I know that there were harsh and unnecessary attacks from people on both sides during the primary. While I supported Obama all along, and did not agree with some of Clinton's tactics, I always had respect for her, and still do. She's a very smart person and an able politician. She's 1000 times better than McCain, and there are no numbers available to compare her with Palin.
So, I'm all for civil and substantive dialog. This post is mostly just for fun, but I think it reveals memes that are relevant to McCain. In that way, perhaps, it's useful.
September 18, 2008 12:36 PM | Reply | Permalink
Stray Talk Express, but I think I proposed that a long time ago.
September 17, 2008 6:28 PM | Reply | Permalink
This could be fun if people Rec it. Don't forget to Rec.
September 17, 2008 6:32 PM | Reply | Permalink
"The Pig Naps Here"
September 17, 2008 7:42 PM | Reply | Permalink
"My other eight houses are nicer"
September 17, 2008 7:43 PM | Reply | Permalink
The "I Know How to do it Express"
The "I'll Fight 'em Express"
September 17, 2008 7:52 PM | Reply | Permalink
THE SNAKE OIL EXPRESS
THE FAKE TALK EXPRESS
THE FLAKE TALK EXPRESS
THE WAR HAWK EXPRESS
THE HATE TALK EXPRESS
THE TROOPER GATE SUPPRESS
THE SEX ED REPRESS
THE EQUAL PAY SUPPRESS
THE BEER HEIRESS EXCESS
JOHN'S MEDIA BASE BEST PETS
Ok, I will stop now. There are a few, off of the top of my daft old noggin.
September 17, 2008 7:53 PM | Reply | Permalink
The "Unstable/Unable" Express
September 17, 2008 9:31 PM | Reply | Permalink
That has such a ring of truth to it...
September 17, 2008 11:10 PM | Reply | Permalink
"This Bus Stops At...Nothing to Get Elected."
September 17, 2008 9:45 PM | Reply | Permalink
FUNDAMENTALISM!
September 17, 2008 9:45 PM | Reply | Permalink
These craven miscreants will stop at nothing to besmirch themselves, their campaign, and our nation itself in their unbridled, unethical, and immoral pursuit of power!
I have had it!
And don't call me a Fundamental either!
I am a person!
I reject and denounce being called a Fundamental.
I call on the mcShame campaign to apologize to Americans for calling them Fundamentals.
Add your voice here:
http://tpmcafe.talkingpointsmemo.com/talk/2008/09/i-denounce-and-reject-being-ca.php
September 17, 2008 9:46 PM | Reply | Permalink
OK, this one is a variation on a movie title:
CHARIOT OF THE LIAR!
September 17, 2008 9:46 PM | Reply | Permalink
I LOVE IT!
September 17, 2008 9:47 PM | Reply | Permalink
Or just "Chariot of the Liars"
September 18, 2008 12:38 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hmm. Better "Chariot of Liars" - fits the cadence of the original Chariots of Fire.
September 18, 2008 12:40 PM | Reply | Permalink
Too diffuse. I considered it, and decided to go with CHARIOT OF THE LIAR. Here is why I did:
McCain named himself the straight talker, hence the name of his bus. He is the one who is running for president. That is why I went right at him, and because of all the recent lies he has been called out on, I wanted to directly label him, the one who might become president, as the liar.
Liars is too indirect and vague. It is McCain's chariot, no one else's.
September 18, 2008 3:24 PM | Reply | Permalink
If you go with Bus to Nowhere, be sure to use the Talking Head's Road to Nowhere as the new campaign song.
But if you must change the name of the bus, how about the 180 Express?
September 17, 2008 9:54 PM | Reply | Permalink
How about the
F#@% Nuts Express?
September 17, 2008 10:39 PM | Reply | Permalink
Didn't Sarah Palin sell the bus on ebay? At a loss, if I recall.
On a serious note, I take issue with those who would say McCain used to be a straight talker. Where is the evidence for that? That is a myth that he cultivated and the media (including the 'liberal' media) lapped up.
Sorry, though, no good names for the l'autobus.
September 17, 2008 10:50 PM | Reply | Permalink
For the record, I never said he was a straight talker. He did.
September 17, 2008 11:14 PM | Reply | Permalink
I think the Bus To NoWhere is pretty good and I like the Talking Heads 'Road to Nowhere' theme song to go along with it as suggested by Constantinople. I really think the Bus To Nowhere could become famous. 'He has lost his Mind' McCain and 'Queen Puppet Disaster Palin' and their mindless adventures on the Bus To Nowhere.
Do the words to Talking Heads 'Road To Nowhere' need a slight rewrite as a theme song?
'The bus for schizophrenic would-be mavericks and reformers' is really too long and they would never remember how to find it.
September 17, 2008 11:25 PM | Reply | Permalink
I think the Bus To NoWhere is pretty good and I like the Talking Heads 'Road to Nowhere' theme song to go along with it as suggested by Constantinople. I really think the Bus To Nowhere could become famous. 'He has lost his Mind' McCain and 'Queen Puppet Disaster Palin' and their mindless adventures on the Bus To Nowhere.
Do the words to Talking Heads 'Road To Nowhere' need a slight rewrite as a theme song?
'The bus for schizophrenic would-be mavericks and reformers' is really too long and they would never remember how to find it.
September 17, 2008 11:25 PM | Reply | Permalink
How about this, and he can save money on the letters already on his stoopid bus:
An anagram for Straight Talk Express is
Largest Shit-Tax Perks.
That's appropriate, based on his intent to continue the trickle-down theory in support of rich people defecating at the top of the hill.
September 17, 2008 11:27 PM | Reply | Permalink
The Bus that my billionaress (cu*t) wife and I never stay in, but we use it to keep up Appearances Express.
My other car is a Lear Jet
The Straight Talk Express took a U-turn!
I invented the Raspberry Express!
er... was it the Dingleberry? How DO you do the Google?
September 17, 2008 11:47 PM | Reply | Permalink
How about "U-Turn Express"?
September 18, 2008 12:06 AM | Reply | Permalink
The Doubletalk Express
The Can't Remember Express
The rolling pig sty
The Lipstick and Trollop Express
September 18, 2008 12:23 AM | Reply | Permalink
The 'I Want Your Money' Express
The 'Lying Sack of Shit' Express
The 'McCain Herbert Walker Bush' Express
The Bush 44 Express
'Hot Rails to Hell' (thank you, Blue Oyster Cult)
These are't mine, but I loved 'em.
'The Antique Roadshow'
'The Trojan Moose'
My vote, however, goes to the aforemention 'Palin's Bitch'
September 18, 2008 12:30 AM | Reply | Permalink
A few more:
Just Add Lipstick
Fresh Lies Express
The MILF and Me (and Cindy Makes Three)
September 18, 2008 12:43 AM | Reply | Permalink
Circular-Talk Express (Jon Stewart)
McGrumpy & BullWinkle Express
Don't-Believe-Your-Lying-Ears Express
Me, Too! Express (A.K.A. Whatever Barack Says)
September 18, 2008 12:48 AM | Reply | Permalink
I would call it
THE CLUELESS HOT AIR EXPRESS
September 18, 2008 12:55 AM | Reply | Permalink
McCain's 5th Crash sounds good to me.
Brownosing for Bush might be the most appropriate.
September 18, 2008 1:51 AM | Reply | Permalink
Witch on a Broom W / A Bag of H ot Air
The Trickle up Express
Viagara or Bust
Depends Express
September 18, 2008 2:15 AM | Reply | Permalink
Straight Crock Express
or...
the Early Bird Special
September 18, 2008 3:25 AM | Reply | Permalink
with the Cartridge Family Bus
September 18, 2008 3:30 AM | Reply | Permalink
POWagon?
Bullshit Bus?
Jitney Full O' Lies?
Lies On Wheels?
September 18, 2008 11:35 AM | Reply | Permalink
The "Cockroach Motorcoach"
September 18, 2008 11:59 AM | Reply | Permalink
---shrug---
September 18, 2008 12:00 PM | Reply | Permalink
The turmoil in the capital markets is bad news and is forcing each candidate to reassess their current pronouncements on the economy. So, let’s ask some questions. Of the two candidates for President, who got the most money from the two financial giants now in the news–Lehman Brothers and AIG?
McCain received $117,500 from Lehman Bros.
Obama received $370,524 from Lehman Bros.
How about AIG?
John McCain got $36,875 from AIG
Barack Obama raked in $75,899 (+205%)
Got that? Barack Obama, the guy who supposedly is not beholden to special interests, took three times as much money from Lehman Brothers and more than twice as much from AIG.
Gee, and who did the now Government financed mortgage broker Fannie Mae give its money to when it wanted to influence a politician?
OpenSecrets lists the top three politicians in which FNMA “invested” from 1989 to 2008.
Top Recipients of Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac Campaign Contributions, 1989-2008Name Office State Party Grand Total
Dodd, Christopher S CT D $165,400
Obama, Barack S IL D $126,349 ($6000 came from the PAC)
Kerry, John S MA D $111,000
What about McCain?
The folks at Fannie Mae didn’t show him a lot of love. According to Open Secrets:
McCain, John S AZ R $21,550 (all from individuals).
Oh yeah, and who tabbed the former head of Fannie Mae to head up his Vice Presidential search team? OBAMA, that’s who. Back in May Barack turned to Jim Johnson, former CEO of Fannie Mae.
When it came time for a tough decision who did Barack turn to? A former community organizer per chance? Hell no! He went with the inside the beltway uber lobbyist.”
September 18, 2008 12:39 PM | Reply | Permalink
Ever hear of smart money backing a winner?
September 18, 2008 12:43 PM | Reply | Permalink
It's not clear from your post - are you talking about donations from the companies - or donations from individual employees of the companies? Makes a big difference.
September 18, 2008 2:13 PM | Reply | Permalink
Not to Pretjene. Pretjene's job is to use whatever lies, misinformation and fabrications possible, typically cut-n-pasted everywhere on the 'Net by a cadre of tools, furiously hitting the ^v on their brown keyboards.
Pretjene is never even going to come back to this thread to look for responses, which is not only a good defense mechanism against having to repeatedly face being wrong but also mandated by Pretjene's boss.
September 18, 2008 3:51 PM | Reply | Permalink
What is this....like the 50th time you've posted this same stuff?
Fuck off!
September 18, 2008 5:04 PM | Reply | Permalink
The 'Back to AZ Express'.
My other car is a golf cart.
The Tragic Bus.
If the bus is a-rockin', don't come knockin'
It's just me and Palin, doin' a little straight talkin'
September 18, 2008 12:41 PM | Reply | Permalink
"Stray Talk Express"
September 18, 2008 12:47 PM | Reply | Permalink
How 'bout the "Whatever It Takes Express"?
That's the only thing that can explain the scattershot attacks and "modifications" McCain's willing to make.
September 18, 2008 1:24 PM | Reply | Permalink
It's not clear from your post - are you talking about donations from the companies - or donations from individual employees of the companies? Makes a big difference.
September 18, 2008 2:11 PM | Reply | Permalink
Double Talk Express Its simple and direct.
I do like The Antique Roadshow & The Trojan Moose also though.
September 18, 2008 2:42 PM | Reply | Permalink
"World's Longest Short Bus"
"Hell Bound Handbasket"
"Hanoi Hilton Airport Shuttle"
"Pinochio Slept Here"
"How's My Driving? Call 1-POW-HAS-BEEN"
September 18, 2008 3:36 PM | Reply | Permalink
"Life in the Past Lane"
September 18, 2008 4:41 PM | Reply | Permalink
The Aricept Express
September 18, 2008 4:42 PM | Reply | Permalink
USS Spiro T. Agnew
September 18, 2008 4:57 PM | Reply | Permalink
"Late Talk Express"
September 18, 2008 4:58 PM | Reply | Permalink
The "Zanex Express"
The "PTSD Pop Up"
"PowerPUFF Girlz"
"The Tink Tank" (Well...Palin kinda acts like a slow version of Tank Girl)
September 18, 2008 5:11 PM | Reply | Permalink