Casino Jack Casting Call

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“If it’s worth doing, it’s worth overdoing.” ~Jack Abramoff, March 2006

Newscom/Roll Call/Zuma

Ralph Reed, boy-king of the Christian right. Killer quote, from a letter from Ralph to Jack, 1998: “I need to start humping in corporate accounts! . . . I’m counting on you to help me with some contacts.” We’re thinking James Spader or Kevin Bacon. Though for a sleaze factor, it’s hard to beat Jason Bateman.

Newscom/Zuma

Grover Norquist, the President and Founder of the non-profit Americans for Tax Reform– which he used to wash money for Jack Abramoff and Ralph Reed. Though Phillip Seymour Hoffman seems ripe for the part, others have suggested Seth Rogen. Thoughts?

Newscom/Zuma

Abramoff business associateEvil elfMichael Scanlon. It looks like Hayden Christensen of Star Wars fame has been signed to play Scanlon. But we think they could do better. Tobey Maguire or Christopher Guest certainly deserve an audition.

Newscom/Roll Call

Former (indicted) Republican Congressman from Texas and Abramoff supporter Tom DeLay. Said Abramoff of Delay: “We would sit and talk about opera. We would sit and talk about golf.” The fact is, Oliver Platt would make the perfect Delay, but ubiquitous character actor Spencer Garrett has reportedly already accepted the role.

Newscom/UPI

Former senator Conrad Burns (R-MT) lost his 2006 bid for reelection most likely due to his close connections to Abramoff. Money quote: “I wouldn’t know this Abramoff from a bale of hay.” We’re seeing Tom Wilkinson here.

Newscom/Roll Call

Former Rep. Bob Ney. Oops moment: stuffing his pockets with gambling chips in a London casino, a bribe from a Syrian businessman known as “The Fat Man.” Drew Carey, anyone?

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Former Congressman from California, John Doolittle. Jack Abramoff once referred to him as a “Hero.” Oh, I don’t know, maybe the guy who played Jerry Seinfeld’s neighbor and nemesis Newman.

Newscom/KRT

Steven Griles, the Former Deputy Interior Secretary and Italia Federici’s lover. Brian Cox?

Newscom/Roll Call

Kevin Ring, the middleman between John Doolittle and John Abramoff from 2002 to 2004. Matthew Fox and Dennis Quaid could each play a good, though very different, Ring.

Newscom/CQ

Italia Federici, the former president of the Council of Republicans for Environmental Advocacy (and Griles’ love interest), pleaded guilty in 2007 to tax evasion and obstruction of Congress for her connection to Jack Abramoff. Drew Barrymore?

Newscom/Roll Call

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