Written in 2004 for the GW Patriot, the alternative conservative newspaper Dai edited, the piece aims to mock Eve Ensler's oft-produced show, The Vagina Monologues, which features a series of women talking about their genitals.
Dai's effort, which redubs Ensler's play "The Whine-gina Monologues," is a broadside against feminists who he says complain too much.
Here's a bit of Dai's parody, co-authored by Rosanna Ferruggia:
MY PENIS IS ANGRY!!!!!!! You want to know what happened to my penis? Joan happened to my penis! There I was, sleeping peacefully when Joan stormed in and dragged me out for "an educational program." I thought was going to see Mr. Rogers! But nooooooo! It turned out to be the "Whine-gina Monologues!"
And another section:
"The Giant Coochie Snorcher That Could"
It all began when I moved into Crawford Hall... I had a bad feeling about coochie snorchers. In the past, they had been nothing but trouble--big trouble. But then one day, I walked out of my building and met my "neighbor," Joan. Joan is a GIANT COOCHIE SNORCHER, a 5-foot-tall vagina with a black plastic wig on her head! After Joan blocked my path and gave me a palm card for the March for Women Who Aren't Babies' Lives, I couldn't resist an invitation to her apartment-- Marvin Center 417. She slipped into fancy lingerie and lo and behold, I "now worship Joan," just as the placard around her "neck" said. If that's what it takes to be a feminist, just to worship a 5-foot-tall vagina, I'm a guy...I am so there!
Finally, here's a bit from the editor's note explaining the authors' intentions:
What are these vaginas angry about? Tampons, thong underwear, and gynecologists. Shouldn't feminists be more concerned with encouraging women to go to
the gynecologist to prevent cervical, uterine, and breast cancer (which, of course, are the fault of evil repressive men)? Why must the only reference to the sanctity of motherhood be given to a lesbian couple? Can't men be more than just sperm donors and rapists in a feminist's world? Justice Blackmun doesn't even get a shout-out! If feminists want to really make a difference, why don't they get out and change the world, instead of sitting
in basements writing a litany of complaints to depress the world.
The rest is here.