Defending Against a Congressional Probe: A Primer

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Uh-oh, you just got a subpoena from Rep. Henry Waxman (D-CA) in the mail. What do you do?

As we’ve noted here before, a Democratic Congress means big business for those who make their living defending big business. And law firms have done what they can to whip their corporate clients into a panic over the coming investigations.

In today’s Washington Post, Jeffrey Birnbaum reports that “just about every company on K Street is vying for a piece of the soon-to-thrive ‘crisis management’ business” — and offers a glimpse of what costly (and sometimes contradictory) opinions from legal eagles, publicity consultants, and lobbyists will look like. The result is a rough primer for targetted corporations:

1) Panic. Hire your expensive representation now (a piece of advice we’ve highlighted before). Birnbaum quotes a PR consultant who advises that companies which “even suspect they’re in jeopardy should take precautions.” His short list: “oil and drug companies, contractors to the Pentagon and the Homeland Security Department, hedge funds and any firm that produces anything that contributes to global warming, including electric utilities and auto manufacturers.”

2) Panic. Batten down the hatches. These investigators want to nail you, and what’s worse, “these investigations are stalking horses for the Justice Department,” one lawyer warns. If you don’t absolutely have to give it up, don’t. It might come back to haunt you.

3) Panic. If you’ve got something damning, get it out ASAP. “If you do have some bad news or bad information, get it out yourself, on your own terms and explain it,” counsels Barbara Comstock, a star GOP crisis manager.

4) Act humble. As another lawyer puts it to Birnbaum: “You are not a big-time, hot-shot CEO of a multibillion-dollar corporation. You are an American citizen, under oath and with limited rights, providing information to the U.S. Congress under their roof, rules and procedures.”

5) Keep a distance. You are “working with” your investigators, not “cooperating.” Don’t let them walk all over you.

6) Be boring. More media means more scrutiny, and the media love defiant tycoons. Be as colorless and unmemorable as possible.

So there you have it. Now, get panicky!

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