They've got muck; we've got rakes. TPM Muckraker

"Captain" Michael? APF Official Admits Title Is Bogus

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Newscom

Reports the AP:

Hilton, 55, uses the title "captain" when introducing himself and on his business cards. But he acknowledged it was not a military rank.

Not a military rank, you understand. Maybe he was captain of his high-school soccer team?