Here at TPM we spend a lot of time following the twists and the turns of the GOP presidential primary race so that you don’t have to.
Gluttons for punishment? Maybe. But we like to think having watched this motley crew slug it out for the better part of the last year that we know a thing or two about where they sit going into the two month stretch before, you know, the first votes are actually cast.
So for the purposes of the exercise, let’s consider this the end of the regular season — where only the teams, or in this case the candidates, who’ve actually shown they have something approximating a sensible game plan eventually get to move on.
And before you accuse us of not treating this quadrennial exercise in democracy with the requisite seriousness it deserves, we would ask — have you actually watched these debates?
We’ll take a look at Round 2 tomorrow, and Round 3 on Wednesday, but kicking things off – the bottom rung.
Round 1 — Cut From The Team
1. Tim Pawlenty
We’ll say this about Tim Pawlenty: You can’t help but respect a man who knows that losing to the likes of Michele Bachmann — even in an event as ridiculous as the Ames Straw Poll — does not a winning presidential campaign make.
Pawlenty, he of ‘Minnesota-Nice’ fame, was a largely unknown figure on the national stage before being briefly mentioned as a potential running mate for John McCain back in 2008. Sadly, his own presidential campaign four years later didn’t really do much to solve that fundamental problem.
The plan was to be the reasonable man waiting in the wings when the GOP electorate finally grew tired of flirting with the firebrands, and also came around to remembering that Mitt Romney signed state-level universal health care, used to be pro-choice, and has generally abandoned one way or the other most every political position he’s ever held.
But when given the chance to take on Romney, Pawlenty promptly crawled into a hole, never to return.
Then he lost to Bachmann in Iowa.
Every man has his limits — despite what his Michael Bay-like campaign ads might otherwise suggest about his powers.
Player Vitals
Entered the race: May 23, 2011
Left the race: August 14, 2011
Best moment: This ad. We were looking forward to the trilogy.
Worst Moment: The great ‘ObamneyCare’ whiff at the New Hampshire debate.
Best Quote: ‘I could have balloons.”
Endorsed by God?: Unclear
TPM Grade: Incomplete
2. Jon Huntsman
You’ve got to feel for Jon Huntsman – a least a little.
Once a successful governor of a deep red state, a former ambassador to the country the Tea Party most fears, foreign policy bona fides unrivaled by anyone else in the race, as well as, you know, holding a few policy positions that might actually appeal to voters in a general election (at time of writing Huntsman had not yet recanted his belief in the science of global warming).
By all accounts Jon Huntsman would be a formidable contender for the GOP nomination – in 1996.
In 2012, it’s clear GOP voters are after something quite different. A fact that Huntsman himself is fond of reminding them of.
But since letting voters know just how nuts they are for not giving him a look isn’t working, what’s the man from Utah got left?
Lay it all on the line in New Hampshire — where Mitt Romney is ahead by something like 30 points.
It just ain’t your year, Jon.
Player Vitals
Entered the race: June 21, 2011
Left the race: TBD
Best moment: Day one.
Worst Moment: Thinking a GOP debate audience would get a Kurt Cobain reference.
Best Quote: ‘She makes for good copy — and photography‘ (on Michele Bachmann)
Endorsed by God?: Doubtful
TPM Grade: D, at risk of failing.
3. Rick Santorum
Rick Santorum is angry.
You can hear in his voice every time he gets a word in at one of the debates — which, as he’s fond of reminding us, isn’t often. You can almost hear him saying, ‘Screw you guys, I was GOP crazy before GOP crazy was cool. This is supposed to be my game.’
But unfortunately for Rick Santorum there aren’t any points for originality in this competition. If there were, Rick’s retro ’92 I-was-conservative-before-you campaign might be kicking some serious ass. Just the other day, he was trying on some old lines that have only had something like two decades to marinate — single moms are the ‘political base’ of the Democratic party. We’re half expecting Santorum to next suggest that violent video games like Mortal Kombat are irretrievably corrupting our children.
We get it Rick — you’re the conservative’s conservative. We know these guys stole your game.
Life just ain’t fair.
Player Vitals
Entered the race: June 6, 2011
Left the race: TBD
Best moment: Giving out free jelly at the Ames Straw Poll.
Worst Moment: Publicly taking on his ‘Google’ problem, and thus reminding everyone about his ‘Google’ problem.
Best Quote: Too many to choose from, so we’ll simply go with this classic bit of revisionist history from his campaign launch: “Almost 60,000 average Americans had the courage to go out and charge those beaches on Normandy, to drop out of airplanes who knows where, and take on the battle for freedom. The very Americans that our government now, and this president, does not trust a to make decision on your health care plan. Those Americans risked everything so they could make that decision on their health care plan.”
Endorsed by God?: Yes.
TPM Grade: D+
